Fatima’s ami looks at her with disappointment in her eyes. Why is this child so difficult? Ya Khudaya what have I done to deserve such a disobedient child? She talks sternly while waving her finger at her daughter; “Never embarrass me like that in front of the guests ever again? How can you start behaving in such a manner in front of everyone? LOG KIA KAHEN GE! Ke Mia Saab ki beti pagal hai? ” Faima tries to hold in her tears. The person who was supposed to be always be there for her and support her turned out to be the very person who was blaming her for something that she had no control over.
“You were once the sports star of the family! What has happened to you? Don’t come back into the lounge until you decide to grow up!” With that last warning her mother plastered on a fake smile and walked towards her equally superficial guests.
Fatima was suddenly transported back to a simpler time. When she played sports and games with her friends in school. She broke her arm a few years ago while playing cricket. No one told her to stop over reacting then. No one told her to stop crying then.
In fact, her parents took her to see a doctor and she received pain medication afterwards. Her mother told all her friends and relatives about the incident. People brought her get well soon gifts and flowers. This is our society’s concern towards our physical ailments.
But what about now? Her mother was ashamed. Her family was trying to hide her issues. We are more concerned with what people would think about us than we are about the well-being of our children and loved ones. There is stigma attached to mental health problems and an over- powering taboo tied with the social pressure to act ‘normal’.
Have we ever stopped to think that our culturally enforced belief of what is ‘normal’ may not be accurate? Sometimes our minds suppress memories or react disproportionately to triggering events because that is what our brain has evolved to do. And that’s perfectly fine – its ‘normal’.
Societal stigma feeds off of the shame, disproval, disgrace and guilt that we force upon ourselves and others when we don’t act a certain way. We can’t take our entire muhala with us to the grave; so maybe we can work on building some healthy boundaries in this life. This is not to say that we as Pakistanis should not be grateful for our close-knit family systems. We are fortunate to be surrounded by people that love us. When our families are sympathetic and understanding they can provide an amazing support structure.
Sadly, this is not always the case. The society we are living in often teaches us to feel that our personality flaws are disrespectful and our inability to cope up with certain social scenarios is disgrace to family and all the people associated to us.
People stay quiet about what they really feel and what they want to communicate. Stigma eventually has given birth to further issues like discrimination, prejudice and stereotyping. Sometimes people feel free to make judgments without being fully aware of the facts of the situation. And sometimes we speak up and share things with our loved ones but are scared that they would use our real insecurities and complexes against us. Or perhaps they simply wouldn’t understand.
So when we talk about a Stigma Free Pakistan we envision a society where Fatima can say something inappropriate in front of the guests and be forgiven. Instead of scolding her; her ami can show concern for her and ask her what’s wrong. A society where people don’t decide their entire self-worth based on the merciless judgement of others. Where Fatima and so many people like her, in spite of their caste, color, socio-economic status, gender and sexuality; can truly be themselves and openly seek help for their problems. A society where everyone is truly a madadgaar.
Madadgaar 